My family was made aware nearly a year before I shared my words on Facebook, in October of 2012. I had told my sisters first, via phone conversations and then I wrote a letter to my parents. I express myself best in writing and I knew that if I called them, I would have lost my nerve and simply carried on in an entirely different line of conversation. At the end of my letter I had asked that they simply reply with a "Got it" so that I knew they had received and read it. The response I got from my mom, on the same day as I had sent the letter, was the following:
Got it and go with your heart!
Mom
I cried.
And it still makes me teary eyed seeing those words. I know that my unburdening wasn't easy for any member of my family but despite their own struggle, they still welcomed me in their homes, their arms, their hearts. This includes my nephew and my niece who I love more than a piece of sugar pie in the morning and anyone who knows me knows how much I love sweets for breakfast. It also includes my extended family; grandparents, 17 aunts and uncles, 35 cousins.
My parents decided they would tell their own siblings and in August of 2013, as all the preparations were finalised for my coming out at work, they started calling their brothers and sisters. I know how difficult that was for them. All of a sudden, they were "coming out" to their families and I don't think I can ever make them understand how much I love them for taking that responsibility away from me. As soon as they had told their families, I once again jumped on Facebook - you just have to love Facebook, everyone is on there! - and I told all of my cousins. The responses received are also messages that I return to and re-read. Such positivity and encouragement is always nice to see and they are like a warm hug on a day when spirits are low.
I offer here the first three (English) responses from both sides of the family to highlight just how awesome they have been.
- I support you cousin and understand. Love you much and I wish all the best for you in your journey.
- Still the same awesome person thank you for opening up. You have my support.
- you are amazing for being honest with us and yourself, and i love you no matter what xoxo
- Takes a great person to come out with such a delicate subject. You have my full support and wish you nothing but happiness in the future.
- Allo Serena! I am utterly impressed with your candid honesty and I LOVE the person I have known all along and even more the ever changing person I will get to know going forward! U r brave to the moon and back! Good for you! You are perfect and I love you unconditionally!
- Very courageous thing to say and can't begin to imagine how hard it was to say... But I know that it changes nothing as how I see you or what I think of you... You're still my cousin and nothing changes that... All the best in the future with your new journey!
And a couple of anecdotes just for emphasis.
When I told my niece she was six at the time. I started by reading her a story book called My Princess Boy and when the book had ended, my sister and I explained what it meant and that I was her aunt. She got off my lap, looked at me and asked the question that was most important to her: "Are you going to wear makeup?" When I replied that I was, she followed that up with a "Me too!" and ran downstairs to tell her big brother the news. How can you not love her to bits!
The second came from the first time I saw my grandparents. Again, I was at my sisters house and we were in the kitchen peeling carrots and potatoes for dinner when they arrived. My grandmother walked up to me, gave me a big hug while looking up into my eyes and she says: "You know this changes nothing right? We're still a family!" I only managed to keep from crying by squeezing her a little harder and then turning back to the task of peeling the carrots. Now I allow myself to let the happy tears flow.
I have lost friends along the way and yes, there is the famous saying that they weren't true friends to begin with but it stings nonetheless. However, the friends that remained far outweigh those I have lost. I have so many of my old friends which have carried on with the friendship as though nothing has changed and for that, I am extremely grateful. I have also made a number of new friends, some of whom I've grown quite close to and who have helped me through some of my terribly low moments with their words and their presence. Many have provided clothing. Others provided makeup or hair advice while others answered question after question about everything and nothing.
I have had indescribable moments of utter and complete closeness with my family. I have had terrific moments such as attending my little sister's wedding while feeling happy and pretty and wearing a dress (trivial but oh so good!) I have had moments of giddiness (I'm like a 15 year old going through puberty!) such as having a man tell me I was a "very gorgeous woman" as he held the door open for me. I have had silly moments, many many silly moments and I loved them all.
One thing I have always been terrible at was accepting a compliment. A compliment my way meant a sarcastic response sent your way. I apologize if I have ever dismissed a compliment you gave me. Sarcasm was a way to deflect, especially if the compliment was about my former appearance and I got incredibly good at it that it became my default reaction. Now, with the help of a friend, I am getting out of the habit of deflecting and am simply accepting. I have been learning to accept compliments without a retort of sarcasm and that a simple "thank you" is all that is needed as a reply to someone's kind words.
Everything you all have done for me over the last year is a gesture kindness and the greatest of compliments. To each and everyone of you, from the bottom of my heart, I offer the largest thank you I have ever given.
Really, truly, Thank You!
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